Some days you wake up and just don’t feel it. Today is one of those days. I woke up and felt immediately overwhelmed. So much to do and I doubt that I can accomplish it all. If you find yourself waking up like this, get rid of those thoughts. Write them down so the paper can consume them. After you have wrote all you can about all your negativity, get up and get things done. Positivity can be found underneath the negativity. We all get sad, you are not alone.
Born into a cold world, warmth will never be felt. Wake up every day and feel the overwhelming pain. Never be enough, never make it through. He turns the music loud as he feels the bass consume his never ending thoughts of madness. He takes a drink to calm his soul, then he takes another and another.
Lost inside his confused mind, the man tries to find a rhyme to why he has been foreboded. A wise man once told him to be a man of no complexities, but did he listen? No. Finding issues in the daily nothingness was his mission. He would die having known no true happiness, having never reached that promised nirvana. A sad little angry man he became, as his thoughts slowly drove him insane.
He should be writing his master’s thesis, that is what is needed. But no, he spends his time by wasting it. What is the next fix, for his adventurous soul? He began to grow old, and bitter. In his home, it was always winter. It was cold. He had a cold heart, he never meant it. He cared about every soul on earth, kind of like Jesus did, if he even existed. He was not religious. He didn’t need it. Get up, get out of your PJ’s. Put on some pants and get your rent paid. These are the thoughts running around inside his head.
Turn the music on. Pretend it’s all you hear. Out of your mind, into your soul. You are far away young man. You are on a beach, waves crash against the shore. A faint sound of a radio plays in the distance. All the songs you ever loved play on repeat, songs you haven’t heard in ages, let the water meet your feet. You sold all of your possessions, all you have left is you. The warmth of the breeze from the ocean hugs you and says you will be okay. The world is the biggest bitch and the breeze lies.
I walk into the water and taste the salt on my tongue. The water consumes me, pushes me down onto the sand on the ocean floor. I watch as fish swim by and say hi. They wave at me as I sink my feet further into the wet sand. There was a mermaid and she smiled as she said goodbye. My head sank under the sand. I couldn’t breathe, but it made me happy. For the first time in my entire life, I felt happy. I didn’t know what to do with it. Happiness felt scary. My breathing slowed as did the beating of my heart. I looked around at all the sea life waving goodbye to me and I waved back. I then saw nothing.
I woke up. I looked around at the car in the swampy lake. A whisky bottle floated by my face. I walked out of the water and onto the shore. It was dark out. The stars shined as bright as I had ever seen. The sound of the rural atmosphere surrounded me with beautiful noises. On the shore there was a note. It had become wet from the lake it had washed up from. I read what I could of the note.
To the world,
Fuck you. When you find this, you will pretend to care. You will give me memorials and you will remember how much I meant to you. Know this is a lie. Once the initial feeling of loss subsides, you will forget I ever existed. I don’t exist. Forget about me now. I left this world for reason, because it is too cold.
With hate, Joseph
I ripped the note to shreds. The world was only cold because I made it that way. I walked bare through the forest and towards the road I had earlier turned off of. I walked back to my house. I climbed in bed with my lover and I held her tight. The next day I woke up and went to my first meeting.