Sometimes, when you get down, you need to get it out. I am not really down at the moment, just a little overwhelmed. This is my thoughts, written aloud. Writing is therapy, try it sometime!!
The Meaning of Life
The dreaded end has finally arrived. The day was going to come whether or not I was prepared for it. All the work and effort will either be realized or spell disaster. The emotional journey to this point will soon come to an end. Only a few more months and this will all be over. Will I miss the constant struggle or will I feel relief from having one task of many taken off my shoulders?
This question is not easily answered. The journey was long and treacherous. Many tears were shed and long nights had. I feel more concerned right now, at the end of the journey, than I ever did during it. The uncertainty, the what now’s, what next’s, the how the hell do I function after’s. Everything that has been worked for has been the lead up to this end. Now, we rest silently awaiting the next task among final tasks. Will it be finished in time; will I finish in time? Is the finish line the actual end, or will the work continue on longer? Will I be stuck in a constant limbo of having never really finished? So many more hours, so very little actual hours left.
The walk during the celebration is in a month. Will it really feel over, or will it just be a stepping stone towards more ends, more I still have to finish this? Will the work afterwards be satisfying? Will the bills be paid? Will the job be worth the effort? A piece of paper stands stationary on a desk, what meaning does that really have? Is it no meaning? Is it all meaning? What am I even doing? Do I know? What is next?
The Northwestern mountains call my name. The bicycle under my bottom, the handle grips in my hands. The wind breathes on my hair as I fly through the streets. Baby is at home and work is over. Must. Get. To. Safety! Safety is comforting, safety is home. The apartment is small, less than 600 sq. feet. It’s all I need. I got my family and my necessities. Is the job I am racing home from worth it? Is it meaningful? I don’t know, I just want to be home so I can forget all about my issues. Is it scary? Yes. Is it magical? Hell yes. I have grown, I am stronger. I have control of my life. I can be anything I want.
Am I a writer because I write? A cyclist because I ride? A lover because I love? I am what ever I choose to be. I will not be afraid of the unknown. I will respect it and appreciate it because the unknown is exciting. Dead ends have been reached. Hearts have been broken. Emotions have been as strong as they can be. Hurt is a strong feeling, guilt is too. Ultimately, life is about making choices that you feel are the most right. Sometimes those choices will hurt. Strong people overcome that pain. You too, will overcome that pain. Stay strong, find a way. It gets easier, at least that is what they say.
Life is a journey. It is cliché but very true. You never know the destination you are headed to, but that has never been the point. The point of life is to enjoy the ride. Take in the little moments of joy and be strong enough to overcome the pain. That is the meaning of life. The end is never known. The end always comes, but it should never be the focus. What is the end? I don’t know because it is yet to be wrote.